Monday, August 14, 2006

rachel: death dying dead

Hey eggy, you've got nothing to do with the title of my entry. Just want to say that I'm really glad the class is back together, complete pictures are nice. The week with all the trauma of the BS incident and Kenneth not coming and all and you suffering pox was just well, bleak, somewhat.

Just came back from a funeral tonight, its been something i haven't been to for a long long time. My family doesn't believe in all the taboo stuff and my dad being a pastor does have to do funerals so its really part and parcel for me. all the ceremonial condolences, hand shaking and sorry-faced looks you gotta dorn for the occasion. Anyhow, tonight, death looked different. It came across as rather synthetic and really dead. I remembered when I was young and looking at them dead corpses, I would stare so hard I somehow saw them breathing. But tonights corpse was just so dead.

Maybe, its just that I'm older and begun to talk about death flippantly as avenue of release from my dissolving resolve but really I think I don't want to die. Its more like I want to disappear from earth for awhile. Death really is the end. and a sudden one at that, not one you where you can make your exit after a pompous grand finale of sorts.

Life is kinda dreary now, but as we sang jsut now, because He lives I can face tomorrow.