Friday, July 28, 2006
rachel: the peril of not progressing
when was the last time i even posted here? I can hardly remember. I think this blog is really getting stagnated which really goes without saying. I wish I could change the template cos the font really is rather miniscule and hard to read, and a black and white scheme, which is what my blog has adopted as well, is rather garish. Anyway, other than the details, its ironic that the no. of posts have kinda grown because of the apparent perception people have of this blog's stagnation.
Anyway, I'm just gonna type here for as long I as I have the inspiration. As you can see I'll like to talk about the peril of not progressing...I mean this blog isn't progressing and its become rather a nuisance like junk that gets piled up. However, my main point is really with reference to our Christian lives. Most of my posts are gonna be of a religious nature by the way, but I think its something I really like to center my thoughts around. I know there are a few if not quite a handful of Christians in class, Andrew, Carl, Fong, Chris, Jon Ng, J.Choo and Ben Soh just to name a few. However, I think I get this impression that we (I'll be using this to address all of you including myself) all kinda compartmentalise our lifes into spiritual and secular and so on and so forth and as we get more hogged down by work, the compartments increase exponentially enough.
Really, I don't know how I'll start. But maybe I'll just start with how I came to ACS(I) and a bit of why which has been a major turning point in my life (I'm not compartmentalizing here, spritual life=school life=love life=LIFE). The first time I heard of ACS(IB) was from Jordan more than a year ago, but I didn't wanna go. Then my geog teacher, steven ng's wife, told me more about it and said it would suit me because of the way it was assessed. I was quite a fore-runner in secondary school, a prefect, morning devotion leader(in PL, students do devotion and the prefects basically run the entire assembly), emcee for many and almost all occasions in school and well it was a nice life I guess. So I took my chance, came for IB open house, got really impressed with TOK and the idea of taking the road less travelled, and yes, moved by Dr. Ong's speech and a certain Farlowe who spoke to me passionately about visual art. Anyhow, me and a few friends applied for DSA. I got in which was something I hardly expected esp. with the likes of Van Tok being one of the DSA girls and there being only 12 or so places, but I had to reject it for personal reasons. Ultimately, I had to go against my will. I was really upset and I prayed. I was a victim of the consequences of my own foolish actions. Those few months during the prelims and Os, I was constantly asking God for the courage to follow His will and be JOYFUl to give up my dream i.e. ACS(I) if He didn't mean for me to be there. I didn't want to be resigned...and its really a difference, I think when God talks about doing His will its not only the path you take but equally important the spirit in which you submit to His will. At the same time, I knew while waiting for God's answer I had to try to persuade my parents to let come here, sometimes it got really dreary and I had no courage and at one point was in the pits when I felt I was too helpless so I actually asked for a sign which was rain if God still loved me and would encourage me. Well, by and by, God showed the way to AC with my grades and a scholarship which sadly is over but nonetheless I still had to take the road less travelled being the only soul from my secondary school.
So really, my purpose in this school besides getting a spanking diploma (which seems a bit surreal now) is to repay God by growing Him and helping others too. Suddenly seeing myself in a whole class of 20 guys has made me find it tough being a Christian influence because you can't make a man do things, he has to decide for himself and I guess I'm speaking to all of you.
AC is ultimately a mission school and I think we must realize that the concept of Heaven, Hell and God is found in every single language on this earth--I daresay and that is prove of the reality of judgement. Its just my hope that during these few years before we grow up physically, we'll gain the momentum of growing up inside, in maturity, in being able to take responsibility for the beliefs and morals we hold, whether we be Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Atheist, Pantheist or Occultist. Its dangerous being physically grown up and small inside cos' the playground gets so much more dangerous (money, sex, alcohol and what not) and the potential hurt we cause to our playmates is gonna be so much more.
So really, I think I'd just like us, esp, the Christians in our class, to learn to support one another in our lives. And perhaps, for us Christians, we could ask ourselves a few questions:
1. Do I know what it is to be a Christian?
2. Like truth and reality, is my walk consistent with my talk? remember James 4 where it tells us how a fountain cannot produce brine and fresh water at the same time
3. Do I have a special relationship with God? One that is my own? My own special communication with Him?
4. Do I live my Christian life with momentary sensational hypes during Sunday worship or sermons for them only to last a while? Is it all too much like a sine curve that goes on and on and on?
5. How important is fulfilling my purpose in life? Will I feel afraid if I don't know what to do in life?
6. Do I deem it important for other people to know the God I do?
7. Is God a discovery, an invention or revelation?
Well for now, lets just ask ourselves these questions. I don't really know what I'm getting at at this post. But maybe its just for you all to get to know how I came here, and really I hope, for you Christians to think of God and man, man and God so on and so forth.,
fear God and keep His commandments for this is man's all.
Ecclesiastes 12:13
my synthethic paradise @ 11:48 PM
